My name is Kate and I am 19 years old. I believe that people lack positivity and I hope to bring that to them. I hope to one day make a change in the lives of others like so many have changed mine.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
One of my least favourite qualities about myself is that I get angry so easily. I’m such a sensitive and emotional person that even the tiniest of things can set me off. I don’t like being this way because then I get angry at the wrong people. I always feel bad about it, too. I will say something in a mean tone or in a way that I didn’t intend and then I feel bad about it. I go over it in my head and try and recreate the tone of how I said something to see if it’s as bad as I thought it was.
I always say something mean to the people who don’t deserve it. I feel awful about it and I always do. I need to re-evaluate how I channel my anger because I don’t want to lose people simply because I can’t control myself when I’m having a bad day.
What do you do when you’re angry?
It’s funny how everything changes when you’re finally with someone that you want to be with. Your entire life changes and even your take on relationships.
I am in a relationship in which I can tell my boyfriend anything. I literally mean anything. I can tell him embarrassing stories from my past relationships or tell him my greatest fears. He is someone that I trust and confide 100 per cent. I think that’s when you know you’ve found something great and worth fighting for. When you can be with someone who is your best friend, but you also want a romantic relationship with.
I feel very lucky to have finally found this.
I think I was just relationship shamed.
I have another blog that is basically for “shenanigans”. It’s a blog that I just post random pictures and posts. It’s not much of anything. I moved all my writing to this blog so I had a designated spot for it.
I had an anonymous person send me a message on that blog telling me that they thought I was an intelligent and interesting girl, but were concerned I would become one of those girls whose life revolved around their boyfriend.
I think there is a thin line between having someone be a part of your life and then having your life revolve around someone else. I have a life outside of my boyfriend. I have other friends that aren’t directly his as well, and he has friends that aren’t directly mine. I don’t think I should be shamed because I have a boyfriend and like to talk about him. I love him and I want to make sure he’s safe, happy and all those things. That’s what you do when you’re in a relationship.
Does my life revolve around him? Absolutely not. Do I throw away all plans to go and be with him? No. I want to be around him, but we both believe that space makes us stronger.
I fear…
I fear in my life that I will always be second best. I fear that nothing I do will ever measure up. I fear that I will never do anything incredible or worthy of other peoples time.
I want to be a writer. I want to be an author, more specifically. I want to write something that people can relate to. I want to be a writer that can evoke emotion from people. I want to write something where people can constantly reference back to and remember how they felt when they read it. I want to make people feel positive again. I want to bring people out of their slump and show them that they can accomplish anything. I don’t know how I plan on doing that when I can’t even let the people I love dearest read anything I’ve ever written.
How do you deal with fear? How do you let go of your inhibitions and just do whatever it is that you want? How do you achieve something that you’re terrified you’ll always be mediocre at?
If I base my entire life and my decisions off of this constant fear of never being good enough then I will never end up anyone. Then my life will be mediocre and I will never do anything worthy of other peoples time. It’s time to grow up and stop being so scared.
